Finding out your core values

Finding out your core values

To have a life balance, you should first know your core values. This is the first message I give in my coaching sessions about life balance. I am always happy to help my clients find their core values.

What are core values?

Values, simply explain as the foundation of your life. They serve as your compass for deciding the most important things in life.

Examples of values:

  • Loyalty
  • Spirituality
  • Humility
  • Compassion
  • Honesty
  • Kindness
  • Integrity
  • Selflessness

Many of us never had the chance to reflect on our core values. We need to understand that values ​​are essential to our day-to-day living.

  1. Personal values ​​set up your priorities in life. When you know your priorities, you will properly manage your life and what is really important for you – profession, family, love, or money.

  2. Personal values ​​help you attract friends with the same interests as you. When you identify your values, you join a group that shares the same values.

  3. Personal values ​​define your relationship values ​​too – How your relationship should be with others, especially in romantic relationships.

  4. Personal values ​​help others understand you and avoid misunderstandings with you. They will know exactly what to speak about and whatnot.

  5. Personal values ​​will help you find the city you will live in and how you will get to that place. 

  6. Personal values ​​will guide you in dealing with other people, especially those who have different values ​​than you.

  7. Personal values ​​help you know your vision and where you want to go – your goals and your limitations.

Finding your personal values

Did you ever think about what is really important for you in life, which parts of life are your priorities?

Get some papers and a pen and start with:

Step 1: Ask yourself what do you consider most important in your life. To help you answer this, try closing your eyes and think about how you would like others to think of you and what your life should actually stand for.

Step 2: Think about the things you like and the things which give you energy and power. Ask yourself, what really inspires you?

Step 3: Ask yourself, what do you really want to do in life? What makes you happy?

After noting down your answers to the questions, underline the main words and nouns that resonate with you. Make a list of the words you have identified. This is a great way to have a visual view of your values and have it in front of you.

The next step is to align your values with your goals.

Why should you Ground Yourself regularly

To be grounded gives your energy, a point of steadiness, and you will feel clear, centered, strong and focused.

On the other hand, you may lack focus or be easily distracted, you feel spacey/scattered/anxious and be easily affected by what’s going on around you (especially with other people’s energy or mood).

I have learned the power of grounding techniques and how it can divert your mind to be present and have focus.

Grounding techniques are great tools to break out if you’re feeling emotionally overwhelmed.

Grounding refers to the ability to return to the present moment with sustained attention.

Sometimes we need to break up the negative thoughts and make sure that we quit the circles of ideas which are flying through our minds. We need to keep the past where it is and live at the present. It is also important that we do not overthink about what is to come. The past is gone and the future is yet to come. The past will cause us depression while the future triggers anxiety.

Truthfully, the present can determine our path in the future that is why we need to live in it. Live in the now!

However, the most recent scientific research has explored grounding for inflammation, cardiovascular disease, muscle damage, chronic pain, and mood. The studies found out that grounding affects the living matrix, which is the central connector between living cells. Electrical conductivity exists within the matrix that functions as an immune system defense, similar to antioxidants .

Scientists believe that through grounding, the natural defenses of the body can be restored.

Why grounding?
Despite its lack of evidence, many people have reported improvement for conditions such as:
 
  • Chronic fatigue
  • Chronic pain
  • Anxiety and depression
  • Sleep disorders
  • Cardiovascular disease
How to practice grounding?

Grounding can be performed both outdoors and indoors, depending on the technique you choose to use.

What are types of grounding?

There are many types of grounding. All of them focus on reconnecting yourself to the earth and to the present moment. This can be done through either direct or indirect contact with the earth.

Grounding techniques to try:
1. Inside Grounding

When you’re inside, grounding yourself requires a bit more effort and in most cases, equipment.

  • Use a grounding sheet or socks while you sleep.
  • Use a grounding mat in your home office chair. This equipment has been thought to help ground you throughout the day.

Start with some deep breathing before looking around the room you’re in. Use the 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 method. This can be done aloud or silently, depending on your situation.

  • Describe 5 things you see in the room
  • Name 4 things you can feel or touch
  • List 3 things you hear
  • Name 2 things you smell
  • Think of 1 thing that you would like to change in that place.

Outside Grounding
Walk barefoot. Have you ever been outside on a warm summer day and felt the urge to run barefoot in the grass? One of the easiest ways to ground yourself to the earth is to walk barefoot. Whether this is on grass, sand, or even mud, allowing your skin to touch the natural ground can provide you with grounding energy.
Lying on the ground: You can increase your skin-to-earth contact by lying on the ground. You can do it in the grass by the park or on the sand at the beach. If you’re going to ground yourself in this way, be sure to take the proper precautions and never lie somewhere you could be injured.

2. Outside Grounding
  • Walk barefoot. Have you ever been outside on a warm summer day and felt the urge to run barefoot in the grass? One of the easiest ways to ground yourself to the earth is to walk barefoot. Whether this is on grass, sand, or even mud, allowing your skin to touch the natural ground can provide you with grounding energy.

  • Lying on the ground: You can increase your skin-to-earth contact by lying on the ground. You can do it in the grass by the park or on the sand at the beach. If you’re going to ground yourself in this way, be sure to take the proper precautions and never lie somewhere you could be injured.

One way to be in sync with nature is through grounding. Grounding can not only benefit in restoring our immune system but also restore sound mind, at least with my experience.

Say goodbye to tranquilizers with only 2 methods

People are overthinking about their past and the consequences that come with it; how it can affect their future and other things that could happen.

Vilfredo Pareto (1848-1923) said that you can achieve the greatest effect with just a small amount of effort. That 80% of the result is already achieved with 20% effort. For the remaining 20% success one wastes mostly unnecessary energy. If we lower our own expectations, put aside excessive perfectionism and give our best – as good as it is possible – there is also energy left for ourselves.

No one expects us to do everything perfectly.

Stress comes when we think that we are losing control and we let the external world affect our internal world.

Stress causes a lot of serious diseases like heart problems and blood clots, but also psychological diseases like burn-out or depression.

Life can be overwhelming at times which results in stress. It could be something happening in the office, or the needy children, or a disorganized household, or the lack of leisure activities.

What sounds like normal everyday life is for most primarily one thing – pure stress. But it’s not just packed days, but also the fast pace of our times with the expectation of constant accessibility that are partly responsible for the fact that many people are under a great deal of stress every day. Time and again, studies show that stress-related illnesses have been on the rise in recent years.

We often don’t even realize how stressed we are until it’s almost too late. The more we accumulate in our daily to-dos, the more our internal pressure increases.

Often, we only notice how stressed we really are in the quiet moments. Instead of relaxing, we continue to work and postpone the break. But it is precisely short breaks that are so important. Help to reduce stress immediately with proven and tested psychological methods.

So what to do when everything is just too much? These 2 psychological methods will help you cope with stress.

Method 1: First take a deep breath with the 4-7-11 method.
  1. Leave everything behind. Put down the pen and pause for a moment. With the 4-7-11 method, we get ourselves out of the circles of thoughts.
  2. Breathe deeply into the belly while counting to four. Then exhale for seven seconds.
  3. Repeat the whole thing eleven times. Numerous studies prove the effect of conscious breathing as a relaxation technique. Under stress, we breathe far too shallowly.
  4. Deep breathing, on the other hand, resupplies the body with sufficient oxygen and lowers blood pressure. Counting at the same time creates new focus and interrupts stressful thoughts.
Method 2: Feel your body and breath

Usually we breathe completely unconsciously. Relaxation techniques direct our attention to breathing to ease the way out of stress and tension. Breathing is one of our basic rhythms, a rhythm that we can consciously influence.

Here are relaxation exercises:
  • Sit or stand upright and place both hands on the tips of your lungs. Consciously breathe in and out into this area. Feel how the chest rises and falls.
  • Place your hands on the lower ribs and feel how the ribs expand and close again in your breathing rhythm.
  • Place your hands on the lower abdomen, the fingers below the navel, the thumbs above and feel the breathing movement here.
  • Put the backs of your hands on your back as high as possible and feel the expansion of the breathing space in this area.
  • Put your hands on the kidney area, feel the breathing space here.
  • Put your hands on your sacrum, feeling the small movements that your breath is in this area triggers.
    Put your hands on the lower costal arch again and feel from here all of your breathing

5 Facts About Effective and NonViolent Communication

The pandemic doesn’t want to end. We are getting stressed and the rhythm of our lives have significantly changed – getting louder and quicker by the minute. In the middle of a working day, we sometimes forget to be empathic and forget how to effectively communicate without hurting anyone. We should know how to effectively communicate with our family, friends, and colleagues in a nonviolent way.

An essential part of resiliency is how we communicate and build our network. To communicate efficiently, we need to know that communication is a two-way road and not one. We need to send and receive.

There are rules to follow when we send. Some sensitive issues are unmentioned because of the fear that it might get us in trouble. Marshall Rosenberg inspired me with defined points that will help us have smooth, effective, and non-violent communication.

  1. Stop playing the right game. This is tricky. Being wrong often leads to punishment. Punishing someone by mistakes leads to shame and denies a person the chance for his needs to be met. Describing your situation rather than defending yourself provides better understanding for both the sender and the receiver, making the atmosphere lighter.
  2. Don’t use dialect tackle language. Don’t label people, as to who is who, and what is what. Based on what is right and wrong, judgments label dialects.
  3. Official Language, that means you have to do something because someone told you to do it. You have to acknowledge that everyone has a choice. It’s very stupid of us if we will always force things on people. if you really think that you have to do something, then it is a must, and to be obligated to do something is not good.
  4. The best way to communicate something to someone is through the OFNR way. It’s called the giraffe language; let’s speak giraffe language its 4 steps: OFNR
Observation

No interpretation, you just describe what it was – observation without you – I noticed that you did that and didn’t.

  • Making an observation is better than judgment. You can say, “the last time you gave me a gift was one year ago,” rather than saying “you never got me presents.”
  • Examples of judgment:
    a) “You were saying mean things.”
    b) “You were trying to make me feel guilty.”
    c) “You are lazy.”
    d) “You are too late again.”
  • Examples of observation:
    a) Say, “I don’t like what you’re saying.”
    b) Say, “You are my partner, and we are supposed to support each other more.”
    c) Say: “You order food every day, and you said that we have to hire a cleaner cause I don’t want to clean.”
    d) Say “Our appointment should have been at 8 and it’s already 8:30.”
Feeling :

Then feeling and how you feel.

  • I feel hurt is a description. As if or like, I feel ignored is a description of a thought.
Need:

Need is also very important. What is my need? What is your need?

Sharing my Requests like “How does that sound to you?” or action requests like, “Can we do this and that in our meeting tomorrow?”

For example:

I am so sad that my friend has not answered his phone for 10 days and never called back. So what I did was the next time he called me, I wanted to make sure that he wasn’t sick or didn’t have any emergency.

This is what I told him,

  • Observation – “I have reached out to you many times in the past weeks but you don’t pick up the phone.
  • Feeling – I feel very ignored.
  • Need – It would be great to connect more with you since we have been friends for a long time.
  • Request – Please at least let me know when you’re busy as this is very important for me. You can send me an SMS or call me back when you’re available.
  1. Positive judgments and compliments are not always good.

Regular compliments are not always good, including saying:

  • You are smart
  • You are the best boss
  • You are beautiful

Some people are pressured to keep their image based on the compliments they are given and this can affect the development of their true self-identity.

Instead, say it in a NonViolent Communication (NVC) way.

    1. Be specific about what was exactly done for this, and not just general.
    2. Share the feeling you have about it.
    3. Share your needs and why it’s important for you that he or she is like that.
    4. You can then see how they receive appreciation.

Why is Money not the right way to motivate your employees?

In the past years, I visited around 100 companies and we had talks about life-balance for their employees. I have to admit that companies have different priorities. There are companies that truly care about their employees. There are also some that would rather focus on other things than the workforce.should be focusing on.

As a life-balance expert, I am posing this very important question to reflect on.

Why should a company motivate the employees to have a good life balance rather than money?

For one, a big paycheck is not enough compensation. Why?

Money is like drugs. When you get some, you want more. When you have more, you want a lot more. It is not enough to satisfy one’s needs. If money becomes the motivation in the team, you will run out of it quicker than you acquire them.

I know a consulting company in Vienna that gives fresh graduates 140 thousand euros, annually. It is great money, however, it is evident how they’re unhappy and burned out. They are only working to save money and leave their jobs. They hate working there!

Money can be a great motivation and the job should be well paid, but there are other points which are important. According to the latest research at Gallup, employees appreciate it when their employers take care of their psychological health.

What do employees need?
  1. The employees need someone to understand them. Bottom line: they need a leader to lead them.
  2. They need to develop as individuals, hence, they need to feel safe and integrated.

A company can only give this, if they know the value of humanity, and the value of the Human Resources department.

What should companies do?

TRAINING
  1. Training for leaders. There should be a learning and development plan for the leadership, and from here the talents should be defined. And they should also have a special learning and development plan.

  2. Training for the workforce. All other employees should also have a plan to continue their development. Without making the employees learn and develop the gaps between the leadership, talents and employees will result in psychological problems, like communication problems, conflicts, presenteeism, and team negativity.
HEALTH & WELLNESS

Other than learning and development, the wellness and the health of the employees should also be considered.

Companies should be mindful of their employees’ health, especially on the quality of the food they eat and their day-to-day movement while in the office.

  1. What do they eat when they are stressed? for snacks? What food is available in the company’s pantry?
  2. What sports and recreational programs does the company offer?
  3. Are they mentally ready for future challenges?

Every part of a person’s wellbeing is essential to his productivity and success. If a company takes priority in that, they will surely become a magnet for high-class talents. They will also retain loyal workers that will help to leverage their businesses.

So the equation is:

Happy Employee = (Learning and development plans for leaders, talents and the workforce + a good life balance program for the employees + good payment)

Pretty basic. Let’s talk!

6 stress management techniques Relaxing techniques

There are so many people who are thinking too much, they are all the time thinking about past experiences which they didn’t take a lesson learned out of it, and looking about how this could effect their future, and thinking about all the things which could happen.

Stress comes when we think that we are losing control and we let the external world effect our internal world.

Stress is the 1st step to alot of serious diseases like heart problems, and clots but also psychological diseases like burn-out or depression.

Everyday life is often too stressful.

We often don’t even realize how stressed we are.

Office, children, household, leisure activities: What sounds like normal everyday life is for most primarily one thing – pure stress. But it’s not just packed days, but also the fast pace of our times with the expectation of constant accessibility that are partly responsible for the fact that many people are under a great deal of stress every day. Time and again, studies
show that stress-related illnesses have been on the rise in recent years.

We often don’t even realize how stressed we are. The more we accumulate in our daily to-dos, the more our internal pressure increases. But often we only notice how stressed we really are in the quiet moments. Instead of relaxing, we continue to work and postpone
the break. But it is precisely short breaks that are so important and help to reduce stress, with some immediately applicable, psychological methods it goes even faster.

So what to do when everything is just too much? 

These 3 psychological methods help to cope with stress. Whether in the office or everyday life.
Method 1: First take a deep breath with the 4-7-11 method.

Leave everything behind.

  1. Put down the pen and pause for a moment. With the 4-7-11 method, we get ourselves out of the circles of thoughts.
  2. Breathe deeply into the belly while counting to four. Then exhale for seven seconds. Repeat the whole thing eleven times. Numerous studies prove the effect of conscious breathing as a relaxation technique. Under stress, we breathe far too shallowly.
  3. Deep breathing, on the other hand, resupplies the body with sufficient oxygen and lowers blood pressure. Counting at the same time creates new focus and interrupts stressful thoughts.
Method 2: Set priorities with the 80/20 rule.

Vilfredo Pareto (1848-1923) said that you can achieve the greatest effect with just a small amount of effort. That 80% of the result is already achieved with 20% effort. For the remaining 20% success one wastes mostly unnecessary energy. If we lower our own expectations, put aside the excessive perfectionism and give our best – as good as it is possible – there is also energy left for ourselves. No one expects us to do everything perfectly.

Method 3: Feel your body and breath

Usually we breathe completely unconsciously. Relaxation techniques direct our attention to breathing to ease the way out of stress and tension. Breathing is one of our basic rhythms, a rhythm that we can consciously influence.

Exercise:

  • Sit or stand upright and place both hands on the tips of your lungs. Consciously breathe in and out into this area. Feel how the chest rises and
    falls.
  • Place your hands on the lower ribs and feel how the ribs expand and close again in your breathing rhythm.
  • Place your hands on the lower abdomen, the fingers below the navel, the thumbs above and feel the breathing movement here.
  • Put the backs of your hands on your back as high as possible and feel the expansion of the breathing space in this area.
  • Put your hands on the kidney area, feel the breathing space here.
  • Put your hands on your sacrum, feeling the small movements that your breath is in this area triggers.
  • Put your hands on the lower costal arch again and feel from here all of your breathing.

How to empower yourself to forget someone who hurt you?

What is self-empowerment?

Did you ever feel that you are really helpless? That you really don’t feel like standing up anymore? That you really can’t have a relationship again after you got hurt and separated from your significant other?

No one is exempted from this feeling. No matter our age, we experience love and all its pitfalls. After being hurt, how do we move on after the one you loved has left you?

Have you tried self empowerment?

Self-empowerment is being on top of things. It is being in control of your life and using your power to overcome any emotional, physical, or psychological challenges you are facing.

Let us talk about this first.

What is the difference between deciding and choosing? 

Deciding takes different options, and when you finally decide on one option, the others no longer exist.

On the other hand, choosing keeps your options open even after arriving with one. You understand that the possibilities are existent and can be explored later on.

Now that decision and choice have been defined, let’s further understand self-empowerment.

Self-empowerment is choosing what we have in our life at present, programming our minds that our present life is actually the outcome of our choices.

For example:

Your significant other left you but wanted to stay friends. You feel hurt, and you can’t stop your tears from falling. You know there is someone else.

What will you do? How can you empower yourself and move on?

Firstly, write a list of things that disturbed you about him/her. 

For example:

  1. He/she doesn’t give you polite answers. 
  2. He/she was too flirty with other people.
  3. You didn’t feel like he/she was 100% loyal.

And the list goes on.

And then, empower yourself to make better choices by using the “I have chosen” affirmations.

Now will write the following:

  1. I HAVE CHOSEN not to be with someone who is impolite and disrespectful.
  2. I HAVE CHOSEN not to be with someone who is too flirty with other people.
  3. I HAVE CHOSEN not to be with someone who is not 100% loyal.

Read the list 5 times or as many times as you can. Read it every morning for a week or so, and every time you think about the person who hurt you.

It will not take longer to move on when we focus on making a choice. We need to fight against the idea of “making” and start acknowledging that we have the power to make that choice.

Knowing the reason behind our choices makes us empowered. When we are empowered, we come to a place of choosing.

Be in charge of your life by being empowered.

The Psychological Secret behind El-Ahly Club Success

Did you ever wonder why there are clubs that are consistently winning?

Is it about the big sponsors and budgets? Is it about the players? The management?

For example, why is Bayern Munich in Germany, Al Ahly in Egypt, or Real Madrid in Spain winning most of the time?

Today I will share with you the psychological secret behind the success of Al Ahly in Egypt and what is the scientific secret behind the spirit of the red shirt (in Arabic : ROH ELFANELA ELHAMRA)

Yes, indeed! (ROH ELFANELA ELHAMRA) has a scientific and psychological explanation.

Al Ahly in Egypt is the most successful club in the world of football. Al Ahly has a record of 42 national league titles, 37 national cup titles, and 11 national super cup titles, making them the most decorated club in Egypt. The club has never been relegated to the Egyptian Second Division. Al Ahly is considered the most successful team in Africa and is one of the continent’s giants.

In international competitions, the club has won a record 10 CAF Champions League titles, a CAF Confederation Cup, a record eight CAF Super Cups, a record four African Cup Winners’ Cups, an Afro-Asian Club Championship, an Arab Club Champions Cup, an Arab Cup Winners’ Cup, a record two Arab Super Cups, and has won three bronze medals in the FIFA Club World Cup. With 24 continental titles, Al Ahly is the most successful football club in African history and was voted by CAF as the African club of the 20th century. The club’s international trophy haul is the second largest in world football, behind Real Madrid.

And now to the story behind the success of Al Ahly:

Al Ahly is called the fourth pyramid in Egypt because of their trophies, and that’s not just because of the perfect leadership, vision, great players and system. I went inside the club – the players’ dressing rooms, players fitness rooms, and facilities. My dad is one of the biggest fans of Al Ahly, and he has passed that over to me. I have many friends who played in Al Ahly and are now big leaders there. I still watch all the Al Ahly matches although I don’t live in Egypt anymore.

But why are we mentally and psychologically so attached to it?

I always wanted to know the secret of the success of this club. I feel like it’s not only about the system or planning; it’s not only about the respect and the great spirit inside and around it. I know I had to understand why.

What is behind Al Ahly Club’s success?

After digging, reading, and researching, I have discovered the answer.

It is a self-fulfilling prophecy

Let me explain first some expressions and give you some facts from international studies to make you understand that expression:

  • A self-fulfilling prophecy is a prediction that causes itself to become true. That means that when someone believes in something and that it will happen, and we visualize it, it will undoubtedly happen as planned if it is realistic.
  • Not only that, but when a person expects a person to behave in a certain way, most probably this will happen.
  • There are two types of self-fulfilling prophecies: Self-imposed prophecies: when a person’s expectations influence their actions. And the other-imposed prophecies occur when others’ expectations influence your behavior, especially those you value.
  • The Pygmalion effect is a type of other-imposed self-fulfilling prophecy that states the way you treat someone directly impacts how that person acts. If another person thinks something will happen, they may consciously or unconsciously make it happen through their actions or inaction. There is a study that teachers and coaches treat their students or players like they are the best and put high expectations on them to perform better.

And now back to Al Ahly:

There is an idea in each player’s mind in Al Ahly from young to old: “we are the best, we are the heroes, we are the masters of football in Africa, and we will win every championship we enter.”

Al Ahly leadership is giving the players and the trainers and staff all they need to achieve this. But still, they are also working with all circumstances and make sure to bring positive wording for the team towards the self-fulfilling prophecy in training, media, occasions, and conferences.

The same affirmations that Al Ahly players know are that the fans believe in them and say it in their songs to the team in the stadium. Every fan of Al Ahly believes that the team will win. Every reporter in the stadium and around it thinks the same. But you know what? Also, the team playing against Al Ahly knows that Al Ahly will win in the end.

You wanna know how that reflects on Al Ahly?

Al Ahly scored in this period in the last minute and after the official time of the matches 103 local goals, both in the League (93) and Egypt Cup (8 goals) and the Egyptian Super (two goals).

On the African level, Al-Ahly scored 23 different goals in this period in the African Champions League (18), the Confederation (3), and the African Super (2). In comparison, 3 goals came at the level of the Arab Championship.

Al Ahly has a great history, values, understanding, and system. Their leadership exhibits an excellent knowledge of how the people’s minds are functioning and how circumstances can work for their success.

This is why I believe Al Ahly will always stay up in the skies and have one success after the other.

I learned a lot in my life from Al Ahly, but the most important thing that we all should learn is using the self fulfilling prophecy in the right way:
  1. Believe in yourself and trust the process and be patient.
  2. Speak positively about yourself. Say it out loud and tell everyone that you are the best.
  3. Don’t get into any losing battle.
  4. It’s never too late to get your wins. You win or you learn.
  5. Be optimistic.
  6. Stop being a victim & let everyone in the system focus on one target and know the main values and goals.
  7. Live in the present. Focus on your current game.
  8. Move on from your past and put your trophies behind. Think about getting your next one.
  9. Continue to work on developing yourself everyday.
  10. Your Values are shaping your image, always be loyal to them.